you may not immediately see the gift in front of you.
The opportunity to connect, to learn, and to grow alongside your child.
We were fortunate to have one of the best
Occupational Therapists work with our son
(and support me as a parent).
Laurie Sugarman Derrico is a true leader in her field,
and her impact reaches far beyond families like mine.
In this video, she offers crucial advice for new Occupational Therapists that can make a real difference for families navigating autism.
A couple of years ago, we received an alert on the Ring app about an 8-year-old non-verbal autistic boy named Allen who had gone missing nearby. Marissa told me, and I knew I had to help. She reminded me to think about where our son Mateo might go, and I immediately thought of the woods—Mateo’s favorite place to collect sticks and find quiet spots.
The community scattered to search. I headed to the park near Allen’s house, combing the woods on the golf course. Police were everywhere, but I was the only civilian in that area. As I searched, I couldn’t shake the thought that this could have been my boy. We had only a few hours before dark, and Allen needed to be found.
After an hour, I heard on the radio that Allen might have been found at a nearby shopping center.
The description matched: a shirt with smiley faces.
Turns out, he was at Chipotle.
Of course he was—because it was dinner time, and he knew what he wanted.
This reminded me of when Mateo was 4 and walked several blocks from my sister’s house to reach a pool he loved. (I kept a distance behind him, but where we went was all him.)
Non-verbal doesn’t mean unaware.
Allen knew what he wanted, just like Mateo knew he wanted to swim.
Reflecting on this, I realized how vital it is to be prepared. If we had known Allen’s love for Chipotle, maybe he would have been found sooner. As parents of autistic children, we can take steps to be ready. (Keep updated photos, list favorite activities, and connect with neighbors who might help in an emergency.)
This was a powerful reminder for me to be present and prepared. It was a tough experience, but if it helps protect our children, it was worth it.
In 2019, HBO aired a show called Mrs. Fletcher. It wasn’t anything groundbreaking—just a series I found myself watching at the time. Yet, one scene has stuck with me over the years.The storyline that drew me in was about the son, Brendan, who had just gone off to college. His parents had been divorced for some time, and his father had remarried and had another child about ten years younger than him. The resentment Brendan felt toward his father was obvious. You could see that all he really wanted was his father’s attention. As a father myself, it was hard not to empathize with what that boy was going through.
There was a particular scene at the college when Brendan’s father visited, along with Brendan’s stepmother and his autistic half-brother. The visit was tense from the start, with Brendan frustrated at not having his father to himself. But then came a moment that was particularly hard for me to watch.
In this scene, Brendan’s autistic brother found himself overwhelmed by a loud performance happening on campus. At the time, my own son wasn’t even two years old, but that word—autism—had already started being tossed around. I didn’t like it.
The scene burned into my mind, not fully knowing why or how important it would be to my own experience as a father of a child on the spectrum.
In the episode, Brendan’s brother carried a doll for comfort. As the family was leaving, they realized the doll was missing—only to find out that Brendan had taken it. He never seemed comfortable around his father’s new family—like he didn’t quite belong—and taking the doll felt like a small, quiet act of defiance. Maybe it was his age, or maybe he just didn’t grasp what it meant. What I do know is that he didn’t see them as his family. He felt out of place and did what anyone feeling hurt might do.
The show ended without revealing where Brendan’s story would go, leaving me wondering if he eventually found a deeper connection with his little brother. I want to believe that, as the older sibling, he grew to care more and became someone who would be there when it truly mattered.
I don’t know, but that curiosity leads to a question every parent asks:
Who will be there when we’re not?
For parents of children with special needs, it’s a concern that runs a bit deeper. You might assume that having siblings makes that decision easier, but as you enter this phase of life, you start thinking about things you never wanted to—but realize you have to.
Picking a thing to be known for isn’t easy
and it can often feel limiting.
But picking the thing
is a choice that WE get to make.
Not someone else.
_
This is a video of Daniel Wakefield talking about why he picked headshots as his thing – using an analogy we can all resonate with.
I’ve been thinking a lot about exposure
for the younger generations
to experience things that interest them.
To find people and organizations
that are willing to share a day in the life
of a particular career path
(or hobby).
One of the early experiences I had
with the benefits of such an approach
was with a high school student
named Sabrina.
Sabrina had helped build a positive news network on campus.
Along this path she expressed interest in reporting different news stories.
So one of the things we did was find more ways for her to do just that.
_
This is a video of the end of her on-camera interview (which was a first for her). I decided to see if she was interested in now running the interview with a crew member (another first).
When put on the spot, she rose to the occasion.
TL;DR
Create more experiences for the younger generations that play off their interests, and embrace the unknowns. Everyone will be better because of it.
In business people will tell you
to crawl before you walk
and to walk before
you run.
And some might wonder,
“Why bother crawling when
I can get shit done now.”
When you begin from the end
you understand why it matters.
(Especially when you see things others can’t.)
If you’re going to run
it’s crucial to develop a pace
you can sustain
and that’s typically a result of
experience, discipline and patience.
(i.e. it’s a process you have to trust)
So let’s break it down with an example of how we might take this approach with someone we want to work with.
CRAWL
before an engagement
when you identify problems worth solving
and have found the necessary alignment
that creates a true win-win.
WALK
when the intended path
creates some disruption in the present
and the implications have been
carefully considered and
communicated.
RUN
when action is necessary
and you’ve established the trust
to execute on the vision
and are prepared to do
whatever it takes to serve that end.
TL;DR
When you get precise
with what you’re aiming at
you get so good that running
feels like walking.
–
This is a recent photo of my foot bleeding through my sneakers. It’s safe to assume I stopped running.
I was paid X to deliver Y.
Y wasn’t a number, but X was.
When I discovered that the delivery of Y also produced multiples of X, I realized I learned something even more valuable.
Money is just a result,
and in a meaningful pursuit
it’s likely not the Y.
–
This is a photo of me, my son Mateo and my dog Beckit from 2018. (We were doing push ups.)
The old way to create video content for clients:
> Get them to pay you for a very specific video
> Do only what the budget calls for and nothing more (especially if they don’t want to pay for your “big ideas”)
> Include a set number of revisions and charge them hourly if they go beyond that
The new way:
> Get them to pay you for a very specific video, but deliver beyond what was promised
> Let the budget be the guide for what you can do, but don’t ignore what you’re willing to do if you identify future value that they can’t yet see
> Actually be open to collaboration and price your options in advance so that you never end up resenting a client that wants to be a part of the process
I could have went on for days about the old ways
because they were something I was able to identify
early in business and quickly shift to
where I saw things going.
It wasn’t easy sorting through
the implications of this non-traditional approach,
but we’re living in a time when people
are seeing that content can pay dividends.
TL;DR:
Go above and beyond consistently and be patient.
If others don’t get it, fuck it. Do it anyway.
_
This is a photo of my daughter, Pilar.
She’s making the kind of face that someone
who disagrees with me would make.
(The kind of face that’s fighting for the status quo.)
Roary is the Autism Strong Foundation Mascot.
Last year a young man named Matthew began “playing” him.
He now works as Roary
and shows up to the same events
families like ours get to enjoy
as a result of the foundation.
_
This is the video we made to help tell that story.